When I die please don't feel obligated to attend my funeral. In fact, I prefer my family skip having a funeral on my behalf. They are costly, long, emotionally draining and unnecessary, at least in my opinion regarding me. I prefer to be cremated, and for my family to hold a private gathering at some point after, if that will help them to cope with any loss they may feel.
Personally, I prefer to not have people attend my final event when, most likely, they never participated in life with me. Often when someone dies, all of a sudden people that never had anything to do with them, perhaps people who even disliked them, feel compelled to show up in an effort to show respect for the deceased and his or her family. Why?
How do we respect someone more after they die than when they were alive? What is the point? I know that some may read my thoughts and think I sound very harsh. That is not my intention. The following is a helpful, albeit not complete, guide to help you (in a slightly Jeff Foxworthy style).
You might be excused from my afterlife festivities if you:
1. Don't know my kids' names without looking on Facebook.
2. Have never had a conversation with me that went past general small talk that you would make with a stranger in the grocery line.
3. Didn't know I died until you heard it 2 or more days after, read it in the paper or heard it on the radio. (I cannot include FB because sometimes news travels faster there than anywhere, even before all of someone's family can know.)
4. Really didn't want to go anyway but was feeling guilty if you did not show up.
5. Heard that I died but had trouble remembering which one I was at church without a few clues.
6. Disliked me in life for whatever reason, real or imagined.
7. Only planned to attend out of boredom, curiosity or in hopes of a free meal.
8. Already had plans that day.
On the other hand, you may be included if you:
1. Are good friends with my husband, children or any other family member AND your intention is to truly show emotional support to them.
2. Plan to contribute to the lives of my children in a way that is positive, builds them up, helps them to feel loved and supported, especially during their loss.
3. Actually took time to know me while I was here, even if we only had the chance to share in a few real conversations.
4. Simply want to be there, regardless of what we knew about each other. (Unless #7 above is your reason)
In exchange, I promise you the same. If you and I could not find, or make time, to know each other while you were living, then I promise not to honor your memory under false pretenses. I will show support and genuine care to your loved ones, as I may know them, and do my best to not forget that their grief extends beyond the ceremony.
Life is short enough. Let's live each day more purposefully. Live and love on purpose. Let go of unforgiveness and any judgmental attitudes you may have. Take time to know each other as much as you can. Expand your circle of friends as often as you can. I pray your life be enriched by those around you, as well as enriching to others.
