Communication Can Be Awkward

As much as I value and love communication I won't always share what's on my mind with another. Often the reason is because if I share then I feel like the other person's response may be simply be out of duty or obligation, especially if what I share is related to how I feel about something.  Sometimes I don't share because, even though I may have a valid opinion, maybe it is not my 'place' to provide input. Sometimes when I share it can make another feel awkward, nothing really gets resolved and I (maybe both of us) are left feeling less likely to try that again.

Communication is tricky, especially if there is not an already existing foundation of trust or friendship between the two parties. If effort is not made, then misunderstandings can occur. People assume you mean one thing when maybe you mean another, however they do not always ask for clarification. They just run with what they think they know or heard from another. You might call that miscommunication, failure to communicate adequately.

A lack of communication between two people is difficult. When you add more people into the equation, then the difficulty and possibility of miscommunication is magnified. So, why would a large group not be able to communicate with each other? I don't know all the reasons but here are a few:

-"I don't want to stir up trouble."

-"It's not my place."

-"What's the use? It won't do any good."

-"My opinion is not worth much."

-"I am scared to speak up."

-"If I speak up someone may retaliate against me."

-"It will work itself out."

-"I feel like I've already tried but no one is listening."

I am sure there are other reasonings but you get the idea. Maybe you aren't the only feeling the way you do. Maybe others would also like to talk about  the issues. 

Communication is not always neat and tidy. Sometimes it can be messy, stirs the emotions and challenges us to continue listening even when we don't like what is being said. The key is to not stop listening. Make sure you understand what the other person is saying or implying. Though you may not like what you hear, if you have accurate information then you can at least make wise decisions from that. 

What if it really is not your 'place' to contribute or to start the conversation? If you see it happening or are involved in a second-hand kind of way, then I would suggest you simply encourage those who can do something about it. Encourage him/her or them to pursue understanding, to do the hard yards by being pro-active. Encourage someone to step up and step out of their comfort zone. 

As parents we encourage, almost demand, that our children learn how to resolve their conflicts. We teach them what the bible says about love, forgiveness and reconciliation. Yet we, as adults, harbor dark thoughts toward one another. We don't resolve conflicts. Rather, we let them fester and boil over and then agonize at the results of something that we had an element of control over. 

Whether the lack of communication is in our home, our business or our church we need to be mindful of our part. Cast aside fear and 'be the change'. Pursue that change in love. Don't be demeaning nor demanding. The best way to be heard is to be willing to listen. 

May you live long and communicate often. Much love to you all. 

Can We Pet the Elephant?

"Mommy, look! There's an elephant over there!" The mother quickly tried to hush her wonder-filled child. "Shhh, be still. Don't stare." The child could not help but stare at the massive elephant that he saw. Try as he might, he could not contain himself and again said to his mother, "Mommy, can we pet the elephant?" His mother quickly looked around and bent down to whisper to her child, "No, we musn't pet the elephant. Be still. Not another word."

As the child's mother began talking with others around her the child began to wander around the room. He never took his eyes off of the elephant. He wanted so much to go over and pet it. As he walked around he saw another adult that he knew. He thought a moment and quickly went over after one quick glance at his mother. She was engrossed in her chat and did not seem to notice.

He approached the other adult and tugged on his sleeve. The adult looked down, smiled and asked what the child needed. The child quickly pointed to the corner of the room where the elephant stood. "Can you take me over there to pet the elephant?" The adult's smile faded and a puzzled look came upon his face. "What elephant?" he asked. "I don't see any elephant."

The child scratched his head and looked at the adult as if to say, "How can you NOT see the elephant?" However, the child walked away. As he looked around the room he began to notice that everyone was talking to each other but no one was looking at the massive elephant standing now in the middle of the room. In fact, the more he looked at their faces the more it seemed that everyone was purposely not seeing the elephant.

The child did not understand this. He could not figure out why no one wanted to look at the elephant. A couple of other children came into the room and the first child watched as their eyes got big and they each exclaimed to their parents about the elelphant in the room. He saw his friends get hushed just as he had been by his mother.

The other children came over to him and asked if he saw the elephant. He told them that he did and then he told them how everyone else seemed like they were refusing to see the elephant. The children could not figure out why the adults were acting so bizarre. Why didn't anyone want to talk about the elephant in the room?