Taking Inventory- Do You Need Help?

Dear Parents/Guardians,

It is not hard to find a new story on yet another child being abused or killed as a result of abuse. Unfortunately, the stories are so common that we may find that we have become desensitized to what we read or hear. We have a moment of sadness for the victim and shake our heads in disbelief as we read the details to what led to the abuse or death of yet another child. 

I wanted to write to you, the parent, and ask you to take an inventory of your interactions with your child(ren). Do you find that you tend to yell too loudly, call your child names to demean them or scare them with your actions? Have you ever hit your child, smacked them on the back, thrown them down or against a wall or caused injury any other way? Maybe you have once...or twice. Maybe it happened and you felt incredibly horrible about it. Maybe this has become a vicious cycle that you do not know how to break free from. You carry it around like a dark secret that you are afraid to share with anyone. 

I am asking you to take inventory of how you respond to your child in those moments of anger and to ponder whether you need help. Maybe you grew up at the short end of the switch, belt or fist. You may think that since you survived, and you look back over your life and "turned out okay", that your kids will be fine with the same type and degree of discipline. If your discipline is leaving bruises, black eyes and/or broken bones, you need help.

Is it more shameful to ask for help with learning how to lovingly discipline your child or to carry around that heaviness of knowing that you may be spiraling out of control at times and don't know how to stop? 

I ask you to take inventory of your actions because true change only comes when we acknowledge that something in us needs to change, especially for the benefit of our children. More than likely, you love your child(ren) very much and are grieved if ever you have been the cause of their pain. If you are carrying around dark secrets of mistakes you have made, I would encourage you to take a moment right now and pray. The Lord can grant you peace, can empower you with the courage to make the right changes and seek the right help. He can give you wisdom on how to go forward with your children in a different and healthier way. 

Prayer is a first step for those that choose to pray. After that, you need to find someone with whom you can be accountable to, so as to prevent any further injury to your child. When you bring your actions into the light of disclosure and accountability, the darkness that had once consumed and controlled loses its grip. Things hidden in the dark cannot remain hidden when the light is shined upon them. 

Please get help in relation to the degree of how much you feel you are out of control. Most parents want only the best for their children. Most children are satisfied with true, quality time spent with their parents/guardians. I urge you to improve that quality by getting help if you know you need it. 

I write this as a parent and as a concerned citizen in regards to the safety and well-being of all children. I do not have any formal training in regards to social work, child development or any other thing you may think is needed. I write from the heart and without judgment. Parenting can be tough and you can often feel alone in the battles you face, especially if you feel like you are losing your battle. 

Humans are a fickle crowd. One day they hail you as king and the next they cry out, "Crucify Him!" Not much has changed in just over 2000 years. It can be hard to know who to trust with your shortcomings, but for the benefit of you and your children, find someone. If you need help, get it. Sometimes you may have to be your own support. Other times you may find the support of just one. 

If you are one who does not need help, then endeavor to be a friend to one who does. We can all play a part in the well-being of children. If we take an active role maybe, just maybe, we'll read fewer stories with tragic endings.