I also came across a couple of letters I had written to my husband shortly after we had met and became friends. We met in September 2004. The letters were written in November of the same year. I am going to share excerpts from one letter because I want you to understand something very important. In fact, you have heard this so many times that the depth and intensity of these words are often lost on a person...and perhaps are often lost on you. As a result, the impact of these words is altered greatly, sometimes to the point of having no impact at all. So, what am I saying?
Read the excerpts and then continue below (click to enlarge).
The Lord had instructed me to leave home in April 2004. That one act of obedience led to my ending up in Australia later that same year. God didn't send me there because I was so awesome. He didn't send me as a missionary. He didn't send me to save the Aussies.
He sent me out of His great love for me. He knew I was a mess. He knew I had walls upon walls. He knew I had settled within myself the fact that I was going to journey through life on my own. Oh, I would love people. I loved God. I loved others. I could love outwards. What I struggled with was receiving love- from others, maybe even from God. I knew and was convinced that God loved me, but I kept that love at arm's distance- just outside my my walls.
I didn't realize that at the time. God gave me an adventure. He took me somewhere I never imagined being simply to put me in a place where I had no choice but to receive. He put people in my life that loved me fully and sincerely. They were strangers, yet they became family. One by one the bricks in my walls were dismantled.
I can still recall sitting on my friend's couch in New Zealand and, in my mind's eye, seeing myself standing naked amidst a pile of rubble as far I could see. That rubble had once been my walls. I was naked because I felt exposed to the world without my walls. They had been a comfort to me. I now had to learn how to walk and live without them.
These past 11 years have been so rich and full. God continues to pour out His great love in my life and the lives of my family. I no longer journey alone. I no longer desire to hide behind my walls. In fact, I easily recognize when they sometimes try to rebuild themselves. I know to take it to the Lord, acknowledge it and let it go. I love the Lord so much. If I could wrap my arms around Him it would be to give Him a long, extended bear hug. That's how it feels when He loves me.
I am sharing all this to tell you that you do not have to have it all together to be used by God. He is not waiting for you to complete a checklist of tasks and rituals. He is not waiting for you to finish school, be ordained, take a vow or any other thing. He loves you with a love that is so intense and so deep. If He has to take you to the other side of the world in order for you to finally receive healing, love and any other thing, then be sure that He can.
Are you willing to go where He sends you? Are you willing to trust Him a bit more than all the negative stuff that rolls and repeats through you mind, as if on a loop played daily? Are you willing to risk the notion that God knows more than you do? Are you willing to be impacted by Him?
Are you willing to receive and understand with greater measure what these words mean:
GOD LOVES YOU
The message is so simple and almost cliche, yet the truth within these words will turn your life upside-down in the most fantastic of ways. Let Him love you. You're life will never be the same.
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