Me and Moses

It has been about 15 months since I had a "Leave if you must" choice to make. It was heartbreaking. I left behind so many that I loved and left a place where I felt like I "had a place". From that leaving I arrived in another place where I have yet to really "find my place". It still hurts for several reasons. It is not as often on my mind, but nights like tonight find me somber, reflective and uncertain.

The uncertainty comes from feeling like the Lord is asking me to begin a task that is daunting when considered. It is a task that ties all places together and then goes beyond that.

I think about when God called Moses to lead His people out of Egypt. Moses insisted he was not good enough for the job. In fact, he gave God four excuses plus one plea:


1. "I am nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
 God answered, “I will be with you, and when you bring the people out of Egypt, you will worship me on this mountain. That will be the proof that I have sent you.”


2. "When I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your ancestors sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ So what can I tell them?”
God said, “I am who I am. You must tell them: ‘The one who is called I Am has sent me to you.’  Tell the Israelites that I, the Lord, the God of their ancestors, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, have sent you to them. This is my name forever; this is what all future generations are to call me."

God went on further to say, "Go and gather the leaders of Israel together and tell them that I, the Lord, the God of their ancestors, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, appeared to you. Tell them that I have come to them and have seen what the Egyptians are doing to them. I have decided that I will bring them out of Egypt, where they are being treated cruelly, and will take them to a rich and fertile land—the land of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites.
“My people will listen to what you say to them. Then you must go with the leaders of Israel to the king of Egypt and say to him, ‘The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, has revealed himself to us. Now allow us to travel three days into the desert to offer sacrifices to the Lord, our God.’ I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless he is forced to do so. But I will use my power and will punish Egypt by doing terrifying things there. After that he will let you go.
“I will make the Egyptians respect you so that when my people leave, they will not go empty-handed. Every Israelite woman will go to her Egyptian neighbors and to any Egyptian woman living in her house and will ask for clothing and for gold and silver jewelry. The Israelites will put these things on their sons and daughters and carry away the wealth of the Egyptians.”

3. “But suppose the Israelites do not believe me and will not listen to what I say. What shall I do if they say that you did not appear to me?”
 So the Lord asked him, “What are you holding?” “A walking stick,” he answered.
 The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.” When Moses threw it down, it turned into a snake, and he ran away from it. Then the Lord said to Moses, “Reach down and pick it up by the tail.” So Moses reached down and caught it, and it became a walking stick again. The Lord said, “Do this to prove to the Israelites that the Lord, the God of their ancestors, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, has appeared to you.”

Before he could say anything the Lord spoke to Moses again, “Put your hand inside your robe.” Moses obeyed; and when he took his hand out, it was diseased, covered with white spots, like snow. Then the Lord said, “Put your hand inside your robe again.” He did so, and when he took it out this time, it was healthy, just like the rest of his body. The Lord said, “If they will not believe you or be convinced by the first miracle, then this one will convince them. If in spite of these two miracles they still will not believe you, and if they refuse to listen to what you say, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the ground. The water will turn into blood.”


You would think after God appeared to him in the burning bush and settled all the above concerns that all of that would have been enough for Moses, but he still had one more point of order to bring up.


4. But Moses said, “No, Lord, don't send me. I have never been a good speaker, and I haven't become one since you began to speak to me. I am a poor speaker, slow and hesitant.”
The Lord said to him, “Who gives man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or dumb? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? It is I, the Lord. Now, go! I will help you to speak, and I will tell you what to say.”

Wow. Moses was firm in what he felt he was not...even to the point of pointing out that his shortcomings hadn't improved during their chat. Amazingly God did not fire him from his newly appointed role.


But Moses answered, “No, Lord, please send someone else.”
At this the Lord became angry with Moses and said, “What about your brother Aaron, the Levite? I know that he can speak well. In fact, he is now coming to meet you and will be glad to see you. You can speak to him and tell him what to say. I will help both of you to speak, and I will tell you both what to do. He will be your spokesman and speak to the people for you. Then you will be like God, telling him what to say. Take this walking stick with you; for with it you will perform miracles.”

Finally, Moses agreed. He was originally called on his own but his insistence of his lack of credibility and ability gained him a companion. I often wonder how the story may have been different for Moses if he had simply been obedient in the beginning. His rebellious insistence followed him on their journey and in the end he was not permitted to enter into the Promised Land.

Moses had to go and minister to a people that were both his own and not his own. His past mistakes caused him to flee, but the Lord's call on his life required him to return, face and overcome all those obstacles.

The Lord has not called me to a role such as Moses, but I can be reminded from his story of how not to respond to His call. I don't know if this task will include or require co-servants, but I do know that if it does it will not be due to my arguing with God.

I have always found Philippians 2:20 to be a comfort verse for me. Paul is writing to the Philippians and simply states, "For I have no one like-minded, who will sincerely care for your state."

It would certainly be a delightful wonder to work alongside others in a shared vision and interest, however that point is simply a minor detail. May my reply to the Lord simply and always be, "Here am I! Send me."