Midnight Musings

 12:52 a.m.

What is on my mind? Jesus. 

I have not posted a blog in almost 4 years. I love to write. I love to communicate. I love to share my Jesus- yet I stopped doing all those things. Sometimes I wish I could share my heart, my thoughts, my struggles even...yet, I resist. Perhaps that is what tonight- this morning is. Perhaps I am trying to get back to where I left off. 

To be fair, the following years, 2018 and 2019, were pretty tough. We were thrust into a whole new world. Our family went through a metamorphosis. Plot twists abounded during that time. As 2020 came on the scene, it seemed like we might be okay. We would adjust to a less twisty path- then COVID came through.

The world shut down. As that year passed on, we settled into a space that gained a few friends. Virtual schooling was both a blessing and a curse. We were all ready for the school year to end. The kids are fairly settled in a local church. they have made friends. I have made acquaintances.

Some days I feel like a shell of who I used to be. I miss my faith lived out loud. I miss the energy of serving and the accountability that certain past roles held. Even with all that, I know what I don't want right now. I don't want to get to know people. I don't want to explain my journey or our family. I do want to support our kids and their faith. I do want to help as needed along the way. 

So, tonight as I ponder the current struggle, I have paused to ponder One even greater. His name is Jesus. I want to learn how to once again lean back into His arms and just trust Him to sort it out. He has never failed. One thing I do have is complete and total trust in Him. I was allowing a bit of fear (mainly in the future) to rule, but praise the Lord, that is cast down. 

The worse case scenario of any event is truly nothing when our eyes are kept on Jesus. I pray I have the grace and wisdom to shrug my shoulders, look to Him and know that no matter what it could be, "This too shall pass". Nothing can separate me from the love of God. The devil and the world may have their version of plot twists, but nothing compares to how God can turn the story. 

Much love to you all.