First Love

Revelation 2:4-5"Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place-unless you repent."

These words were written to the Church of Ephesus during John’s vision. When I read them a few nights ago during my devotion time the words seemed to resonate with me. I know that my love for the church, at least organized church, has grown very cold. I can remember when I was very zealous for the Lord and a time when I trusted the church body enough to bring others with me. That trust has been broken so many times by various organized institutions that now I am just tired. I am tired of trying to know how to fit in, how to integrate, how to converse, how to bond…simply tired. Should gathering together to learn about and worship the Creator and our Savior be so hard?

I love the Lord and I truly love His people, lost or saved. What I struggle to love is the gathering ritual that rarely ever extends beyond the doors of the church once you leave. I ponder the question almost daily as to why it has become this way. Maybe it is because church used to be an extension of connections and bonds already made or easily forged in years gone by. You weren’t trying to bond in only an hour or two once a week. Communities were smaller, with most folks growing up together in one place their whole life, attending the same church.

Now we have transplants, people who move into the area who no longer share a lifetime’s knowledge of their neighbors. They don’t have the memories, the same stories or the same friends. I have been a transplant several times over. I have seen the goodness in so many that I have gathered with over the years. I saw the evidence of Christ in their life and heard it in their words. I acknowledge that most of what I am writing about could be deemed as an innocent oversight by those who have long been settled in one place. This is also just one point of reasoning.

This is not about blame but about my trying to understand church today. I certainly don’t want interaction that is brought on by a sense of duty or obligation. What I seek is perhaps a thing of the past. When I sit and ponder it I feel mournful. My spirit mourns for the zeal and the innocent love I once had. I yearn for depth in my interactions. I like deep talks about the things of God and other philosophical things. I like to listen to other people’s stories and learn about their life.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 states, “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

This scripture is often given in regards to the power of numbers in faith and prayer. A threefold cord is not three strands of rope dangling separately from one another. Those strands are woven together and that is what makes the cord stronger and able to withstand more.

Likewise, three people with no real connection may offer slightly better resistance to an enemy, but three people whose lives are woven together in interaction, shared faith and shared lives are going to be stronger than those with no connections. Those people woven together are going to be more acquainted with each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They will know best how to defend one another against the enemy and they will care more about each other and take their task of praying for one another more seriously because they know each other and have developed that bond. I want to return to my first love and am seeking the Lord daily. I am trying to let go of the hurt and disappointment so that my eyes may be on Jesus and my spiritual ears attentive to what His Spirit would say. I don’t want my focus to be on all this, but I must acknowledge it in order to move forward from it.

Thanks for listening.